If You Can't Do Something Well.....(becoming a Salsera, Jazz Ballet & Skiing)

I am now no longer a Beginner Salsera! A few weeks back I completed a beginner course of Salsa classes and wow it was fun. Although not a complete beginner (I also did a full complement of salsa classes when living in Glasgow in 2006 however my partner was also female and as I was tallest, I was forced to learn the male styling), I found this time the class at first to be a little overwhelming. Perhaps it was because it was not held in the basement of a local bar with refreshments on hand to take off the nervous edge. Or maybe because this time around I was doing classes with my PPP (my boyfriend - his crazy nickname given by my pal Greensies in Ibiza!) and he is almost an expert. What ever the reason, I cannot even begin to describe the weirdo I became on my first night of classes.

For a start, PPP knew all the advanced dancers who had come along to assist, not to mention all the moves. I felt sooo silly standing there with no idea what I was doing. With PPP the star of the group, being used for demonstrations with other practiced dancers, I was left to learn my 1,2,3 & 5,6,7 on my own (pretty usual for the first few lessons whilst you get the steps down pat but I did need a little reassurance from my pal).

Every 1,2,3 step back, I was slowly edging my way out the door and the whole group were aware that my body language and death stares I was giving for free in PPP's direction 'for making me endure this torture' were telling the story that I didn't want to be there. Flash back to childhood when I begged and begged and begged to be taken to Jazz Ballet classes where all my preschool pals had been attending. Finally my mum decided to show me what I had been dreaming of, only to find that I declined to participate in any of the class, instead choosing to sit at the back of the dance room, with my legs crossed, frozen with a scowl firmly planted towards my mother, who was confused as ever.

Now I am not sure what makes me behave this way. Salsa classes have been on my Things to Do Before I Die list for a few years, and even more suitable now as I have a partner who loves to salsa (how he woooed me on the first night we met!). But why do I act the complete opposite to my apparent desires? Poor PPP was too confused as well, as I have been talking up my enthusiasm for this all year. And my actions were showing the opposite.

The only reasons I could come up with are that I hate trying anything that I am not good at immediately. An example of this was my first time skiing in Ruapehu, New Zealand in 2001. After 2 days of lessons I tried a couple of green runs. (I had already argued with my instructor on day 1 as I couldn't pick up the technique of snow ploughing when the rest of the children in the class were acing it!). And then my ski partner accidentally took me down a BLACK RUN! He, also a beginner, sailed down to the bottom without a care in the world, where as I fell over a few times, witnessed no less than two stretchers with patients in pain glide past, whilst I gave up, took off my ski's, threw a tantrum, then cried. Why couldn't I pick this up?

Complete ego I think, don't you? Why shouldn't I just throw caution to the wind and give these things a shot, without caring how I appear? As one of the more experienced dancers told me on the first night, "don't worry who is watching, and don't worry if you make a mistake, if you do just keep dancing then no one will know. And don't forget we have all been there."

I think now is a perfect time for me to rid myself of this EGO and give things I want to try a good shot, even if I don't turn out to be any good at it. Cuba trip in February 2009 is the perfect place to start. 11 days of salsa lessons in the Caribbean...hmmm shouldn't be too hard to rid myself of this ego, whilst I learn how to dance in front of some of the best dancers in the world....MUM!